And Then, I’ll Take Off My Skis.

That’s the punch line of a joke I heard in college. Many of you will know it.

Two Russian soldiers are called home from their post in Siberia. They pack their belongings and start their long ski trek across the snowy steppe.

They talk about what they’ll do when they arrive home.

Boris says, “First I’ll embrace my wife at the door.”

And Ivan asks, “And then?”

“I’ll drink a tall glass of vodka.”

“And then?”

“My wife and I will make passionate love.”

Once more, Ivan asks the question.

Enter punch line above.

Even as I write this, the joke makes me smile. Not a bad feat for something I’ve known for a half-century or more.

I tried to find other jokes about skiing. The stuff online takes aim at snowboarders, instructors, beginners, etc. (e.g. What do you call a ski instructor without a girlfriend/boyfriend? Homeless.). Amusing but not funny.

I’m confident that members of our rapidly growing community know some good ski jokes. If you do, please write them up. We’ll publish the best as a collection and post it in the Subscriber Only Content section. Contributors will be named, and if we can find some interesting swag, there will be rewards.


Even though Jan Brunvand reported he’s on his 14th day of the season, many of us have yet to even see snow. I hope to change that this weekend at Solitude, an outstanding area in Big Cottonwood Canyon, adjacent to Brighton, another good place to play in the snow. For those not familiar with BCC, it’s just outside of Salt Lake City, a few miles north of Little Cottonwood Canyon, home to Snowbird and Alta. Snow patterns often favor Brighton and Solitude.

One of the reader surveys indicated interest in learning more about lesser known resorts. Weather-permitting, I have January plans in to visit three in Idaho (Soldier Mountain, Pomerelle, and Pebble Creek) and two in Montana (Maverick Mountain and Discovery Mountain). I’ll review each from the perspective of the older skier including things such as lot to lift access, terrain, ambiancetoilet facilities, food, lodging, etc. Several contributors have written about the places they ski. All area reviews can be found by going to the menu bar at the top of the page, click “Destinations,” and then clicking “Resort Reviews.”  Let us know if you’d like to submit an area review.


Here’s a brief non-ski report from last weekend in Bluff, Utah. Bluff is a pretty flyspeck near the Four Corners. It is an entry point for Bears Ears, the national monument with recently changed status. Three things from Bluff:

  • The one and only restaurant that’s open this time of year is better than good. Twin Rocks Cafe took on a new chef, and she is producing some nice selections. If you’re there for breakfast order the blue corn flour pancakes. Wonderful.
Dancing Bears—pre-conflagration—in tiny Bluff, UT.
  • Each year, Joe Pachak, a local artist, constructs a giant wooden sculpture in the middle of town. It’s set ablaze on the Winter Solstice. This year, in recognition of Bears Ears and the Navajo culture, he created two dancing bears covered in willow twigs.
  • This is perfect hiking weather and just a few miles from town there are hikes to Anasazi ruins and rock art. High on Comb Ridge up a fairly steep incline is Procession Panel, discovered in 1989 and considered one of the most interesting in the entire Southwest. It was not easy to find, but once we did, WOW. It depicts processions of small human figures, some carrying crooks, walking toward a circle. One line extends for 60 or 70 feet. Sandstone Spine (David Roberts, The Mountaineers Books, 2006), an interesting account of the first traverse of 125 mile Comb Ridge, suggests that the panel was created in the first millennium BCE. If you take the hike and find the panel, the experience will be a keeper.

Not enough new information arrived on screen to do my weekly report of ski activity. A few standouts are snow pix submitted by Squaw Valley Alpine Meadows, Lookout Pass, and Big Sky Resort. BSR’s deep pow video shot within the past week shows nice depths and terrific turns.

We’re taking next week off. I wish you good heath, warm reunions , and wonderful skiing.

 

 

5 Comments

  1. question..what do you call a boarder who is wearing a suit and tie???
    answer…a defendant.

  2. A newlywed couple do their honeymoon trip to a western ski resort. Being smart enough to not attempt to teach his new wife the art of skiing [she has never skied a day in her life] he arranges for her to have a full day private while he goes off to do some serious skiing with the understanding that he would meet her at the base when the lifts close at 3:30PM.
    Sure enough, he’s at the base at 3:30PM but his new wife is nowhere to be seen. Time goes by, 3:45PM, 4:00PM, 4:30PM, 5:00PM when suddenly he sees his new wifey coming out of the woods with the instructor, she covered head to toe with snow and she says:
    “Gee, honey, anyone who doesn’t love screwing is a real skiball…”

  3. 10 Reasons Why Skiing is Better than Sex

    10. Choice of day or night
    9. You pay once to go up and down all day
    8. Skis are always hard
    7. You have your choice of expert or beginner
    6. You always get picked up when in line
    5. Lubricant lasts for days
    4. Vertical is better than horizontal
    3. You can ride more than 2 mounds at a time
    2. Lessons are available
    1. Abundance of virgin territory

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